It has been absolutely frigid in my apartment lately. Not to mention incredibly lonely without Abe's presence. I have been biking over to good old Jim and Patty's for their fabulous 12oz Girl Power (a special matcha green tea soy latte) for a feel-good imbibe. But, they tragically close at 4pm. Being a night-shifter, this just does not work for me on frequent occasions. Other days I just don't feel like getting geared up to go out of the house. I have found a delightful remedy for such days, one that allows me to stay at home in my cozy booties and warm up from the inside out! Here is my new favorite hot chocolate recipe: Vanilla, Cardimom, and Cinnamon Infused Hot Chocolate
40 oz of milk of your choice ( I use rice milk) 1-2 cinnamon sticks depending on how much you like cinnamon 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract 4 whole cardimom seeds 1 cup chocolate chips of choice (I use vegan semi-sweet)
Heat milk, cinnamon sticks, vanilla, and cardimom seeds in saucepan over medium heat. When mixture begins to boil, reduce heat and stir in chocolate chips. Stir continuously until the chocolate is all melted. Discard the cardimom seeds and cinnamon stick, froth mixture and pour into mugs. Enjoy chocolatiers!
I have been vegan for a month. Successfully. In celebration, here is my new favorite salad. One that balances the fall fruits and spices of the season ever so deliciously. I finally found a good use for persimmons! Cheers!
Autumnal Arugula Salad... complete with Fuyu persimmon, caramelized Red Bartlet pears, pomegranate seeds, and cinnamon and chilli roasted hazelnuts. All tossed in a lemon-honey dijon dressing. Goat cheese crumbles would be a perfect addition to this salad for all you dairy loving dames or dudes.
P.S.- Suzanne's Just Like Honey Rice Nectar rocks my world. I used it in the salad dressing (among many other things).
I am becoming quite domestic as of late, scary stuff. Anyhow, I have been having a really bad sweet tooth. I could always reach for the Coconut Bliss ice cream, but I was feeling the need to experiment and create. I ended up concocting an almond cake with olive oil and an Asian pear topping with drizzled "caramel". Here's the recipe for anyone who is interested. Not too shabby for my first attempt at vegan cake. Almond Cake with Olive Oil
*3 cups whole wheat flour *1/3 cup olive oil *1 cup vanilla rice milk *1 T baking powder *3/4 t salt * 1 t almond extract * 1 T vanilla extract *1 & 1/3 cup unbleached cane sugar
Blend ingredients together in a bowl, pour into a greased 9x9 pan, and bake for 22-25 minutes at 350. To make the carmel drizzle, heat 1/4 cup vegan margarine, 2 T brown sugar, and 1/4 cup real maple syrup on low until the sugar melts completely and then bring to boil for one minute , then remove from heat. Enjoy!
In regards to i-pods of course! My nano died today. I am devastated. Before I go procure a new one, I would like to take a moment and give thanks to all that my nannner has done for me. It kept me company on my bike rides, it motivated me on runs and at the gym, it allowed me to sing along in the shower, it helped me cope with my emotions and times of heartache with emo tunes, it enabled me to ignore annoyances while on public transit... so thank you Crimson, for all the good times.
Update as of 11-03-2008: I have already acquired a new i-pod. I know, it seems too quick to move on, but my new nano and I are fast friends. He matches my Puegot almost perfectly. A nice little perk for those of you in the market: if you bring in your old i-pod to be recycled, the apple store will give you a 10% discount on your new one.
Oh yes, this post is dedicated to all my fellow bootylicious gals.
My evening started out nicely with a relaxing couple hours of arts and crafts. Then my pal Crystal called and we dilly dallied around town until ending up at a local pub. Crystal and I were up at the bar, sharing the weeks nursing horror stories and generally minding our own business. Out of nowhere, there is this unfamiliar voice in my ear asking if I'm really a nurse. I turn to find a gangster type inches away from my face. "That depends" I reply "Are you having some sort of emergency that requires medical attention?" Said thug, shakes his head no, laughing. "Well then, yes, I am a nurse." I didn't even care to ask what prompted such a question, I don't encourage eaves dropping by strange men. That, however, didn't matter. The interaction continued to my great dismay. "Daaaammn girl," accompanied by some serious elevator eyes "how do you fit all'a that into your nurses uniform?"
What!?! Tears started welling up, and I proceeded to inform this stranger that nurses wear scrubs, scrubs that go up to size morbidly obese. The tears were now streaming, "as a matter of fact, I could fit my entire body into the leg of some of the scrubs bottoms stocked on the unit." He started back tracking, shaking his head violently "No, no, no, no, that is a compliment woman!" said the gangster. I stared at him blankly. How the hell any woman takes a man doubting her ability to fit into any outfit (especially scrubs) as a compliment, is truly beyond my comprehension.
In spirit of having a J-Lo ass, I am making "All'a that Soup" for dinner. It mostly consists of vegetable broth, navy beans, veggies galore, and a wee bit of vegan sausage. Clearly I need to lose a few pounds of my "juice" as my friend Brian lovingly calls it, and hopefully this soup will ward off further inquiries as to how I get "all'a that" squeezed into my work attire. I leave you with the pictures detailing my soup creation, as I am headed out for a run with Abe.
I have decided that tomorrow starts a month of eating a vegan diet. Absurd you say? What the hell is an Andina, Toro Bravo and cheese addict thinking switching to a vegan diet? I know, I know... I have my doubts as well, I'm only making a claim to TRY it, so calm down. Not that I am not making a whole-hearted effort here, because I absolutely am. In all honesty, I am hoping to make this a permanent lifestyle for health purposes, but I need to see the impact it will have on my diabetes before I commit. Tim's fabulous gourmet food pictures do not give me much faith of leaving it all behind, but here goes. Oh, Mom, I know when you read this you are going to begin a tailspin of worry. Stop. I have the go-ahead from my NP, and according to a study in a British nutrition journal, vegans have lower blood pressure, lower blood triglyceride levels, and lower fasting blood glucose levels related to the glycemic index of many staples in the diet as well as increased pancreatic beta-cell function. And, they live 15 years longer than meat-eaters. And, yes, I am still coming home for Thanksgiving. Speaking of tailspins of worry, I'm a little anxious parting ways with egg whites. My two main diet staples of MorningStar sausage patties and Quorn chicken patties both include egg whites in their list of ingredients. That is unfortunate. You know what else is unfortunate? Meats; fish; dairy; unorganic veggies, fruits and legumes; even my beloved egg whites have traces of BHC, chlordane, dieldrin, heptachlor, and dioxin. All of these ingredients are pesticides that happen to be anywhere from 4-83 times more carcinogic than DDT- which was banned in the early 70's by the EPA. In other words, eating these things are not good for warding off cancer. My Physiology professor, Dr. Keyes, gave us all sorts of items to put on our list of things to avoid in life. I've tried hard to stick to the list, and cancer was in the top five. I have already had it once, so I'm going to try my best to keep it away.
I adore the taste of feta, gogonzola, brie, gouda. I'm also quite keen on cottage cheese and greek yogurt. Not so good news for this dairy loving gal: dairy products have been linked to acne, anemia, anxiety, arthritis, ADD/ADHD, breast cancer, Crohn's, diabetes, fibromyalgia, headaches, heart disease, IBS, obesity, osteoperosis, ovarian cancer, poor digestion, poor immunity, and prostate cancer. Who knows how much of this is founded by legitimate scientific research, but I can't knock it until I try it right?
Below is a spread of groceries I purchased to begin my journey. Any brilliant recipes or words of vegan wisdom would be appreciated if you feel the need. I will try to post ones that I fall in love with as I stumble upon them. Well, wish me luck (or call me names and doubt my fortitude if you want, really). Either way I will keep those who care updated. On that note, I am going to Nicholas to enjoy a vegan meza platter with my pal Crystal. Cheers!
I guess I don't have a lot to say, so this is more of an update on my previous declaration of bucking up. Many of my posts have been rather depressing, so I would like to dedicate this post to the things I am excited about and the positive experiences I have had recently.
I decided to finally give in to Portland's bike culture. I am not sure what my aversion was in the first place, but that is neither here nor there. I perused craigslist for quite a while, and ended up with a vintage schwinn that was hot off the back of some truck from the couve. I hated it, but it was cheap and easily spray painted into a ridiculous ride. Although functional for riding about town, it most certianly is not the ideal commuting bike. Mostly because it is a total tank, and heavier than tammy faye's makeup. So I procured a puprple mountain's majesty peugeot from the awesome guys at Better Cycle. It's a fabulously swift ride and I'm totally stoked to sport it to work.
I have been fortunate enough to get a visit from my dad, he just left on Sunday. It was a great time to hang out and go on mini adventures to the beach, the rose garden and many of my favorite haunts (Toro Bravo, Andina, Costellos, Masu East, etc). I miss my family a lot, and although I need to figure myself out away from home, it is so amazing to spend time with people who have such unconditional love for you. I am a lucky girl! I also just finished my first day of orientation at Legacy- I will be working in the KERN ICU at Good Samaritan. I am totally atingle to discover that they have paid time off to volunteer or participate in community improvement programs. I have been really discouraged with healthcare in America, and this tiny little incentive has just given me a newfound sprightliness for trudging on in my dedication to better healthcare. I can tell you one thing, I will not miss the hell of highway 26 every morning on my way home from St. V's. Thank all good things for being able to part ways with the dreadful morning commute home when I could barely keep my eyes open. Don't let the picture of the glorious sunshine coming up over downtown fool you, it's not very thrilling at all. My emotions are captured while in traffic below. Yay. I am also working on revamping the apartment in preparation for living completely alone, since I am in the process of finding Abe a new home so he has a better life. I will have updates on this sometime in the near future. An eggplant colored couch is my muse for creating an inviting haven that I actually look forward to retreating to after a long day at work. More pictures to come...
Oh my, oh my. So many changes in a girls life! This summer has turned my world upside-down. I have acquired three new hair colors, a new tattoo, a new pad, endured heartache that nearly consumed me, developed a new social group, embraced a new lifestyle and different form of transportation, and on September 22nd, I will have a new job.
I started out the summer in a funk. Trying to pick up the pieces of my life was not something I looked forward to each afternoon getting out of bed, so sometimes I just stayed there. Going out on the town every night lost it's luster all too quickly and I was left wallowing with the reality of things in an empty home. My belongings have remained in boxes far too long as if moving them in was synonymous with finalizing the goodbye to the way things use to be.
I was so contented to be able to mend my friendship with Tim. It was so revivifying to be in his company and I was elated to be able to do all the things we used to love bonding over. There is something to say for the comfort of someone who knows you in and out, someone who can assess your entire state of being with a simple glance.
This sense of fulfillment quickly vanished as I watched him driving away in the Aspen with the powder blue strip glowing in the sun. I followed him, tears streaming down my face. He was really leaving. I wanted so badly to follow him until he stopped at his destination, but we both knew that I couldn't . Passing him, I watched in the rear view until he blurred into the distance.
I frequently slip into a state of panic, and forget how to breathe when I realize how different my life is than it was just a few short months ago. You know the old saying, if you love someone you have to let them go, well I am not so convinced. I am so terrified that I have lost something that meant so much to me, and I will never procure anything like it again. I want to be able to ride my bike around with him, I want to go out to Sauvie Island and make jam, make green curry, and foolishly try to keep up with him on a run. I want to go to the beach and wander around aimlessly downtown. I want to try on ridiculous outfits and model them around the store to the great amusement of sales personnel. I have been so desolate with the understanding that these things have left my life for the next two years, and quite possibly eternity. It seems unbearable sometimes, but that is life. It seems so easy to be consumed by sorrow, become lost in it forever, and lose the ability to appreciate life in all it's glory, or appreciate it at all. I feel like I have had a black balloon tied to my wrist, casting a shadow on everything that lays on the path before me. It has taken me all too long to realize it's presence, and even longer for me to be willing to disband with the aberrant sense of security it has consigned.
Today marked my valediction to it's persistent doom as I cut the string and watched it float away, susceptible to whatever weather it encounters. A subtle smile pulls at the muscles in my cheeks knowing I no longer bare it's ball and chain. Life is, after all, too short not to embrace the next adventure, tackle the next obstacle, experience the unknown, or even to bring yourself back from the devastation of the next heartache.
Just a little vent... I hate moving more than any other activity I can think of. Especially when you do it by yourself sorting through things you bought with someone who is no longer around. Separating yourself from the past four years of your life truly blows. But it had to be done, and thankfully it is over.
Thank god for the one friend who came through. Meghan, you are a life-saver. Thanks to B also for helping me keep my sanity within reach this week. Love ya both!
I found the last tangible piece of my childhood torn to shreds this morning. My long-time comfort laying dismantled at my feet with no hope of reconstruction. My eyes augmenting in disbelief, my breath absconding, my hands trembling, tears welling, I collapsed to the floor.
These moments of utter loss have been frequenting my seemingly affected existence lately. Yet, this symbolically tops them all. I have been doing a commendable job disarming panic attacks with a nonchalant air and convincingly carefree smile. Lassitude surrounding the indirection of my life. I can pull off this guise because all those who really know me, know that change is no friend of mine, are thousands of miles away.
But this week, my uncanny abilities to brush off overwhelming feelings are weakening. I avoid moments alone that aren't packed full of purposeful activity. The place bereft of a comforting and familiar presence is now a medley of strangers' scents.
Eyes perfectly lined, hair punctiliously placed. Fitted in tight jeans and peep-toe pumps. Layers shedding on a diet of greyhounds through neon cocktail straws. Playing into the games, but following through with little. Those quiet nights at home are equating to equivocal memories. This poison comes instruction-free and regularly costs me nothing.
I've cried over this before, the hurt, the anger. But for the first time I'm truly sad over it all. No anger, no blame, no dwelling and analyzing, no wishing for it to go back to the way it once was- just sad over the demise of the love we once knew.
The woes of working 12 (really 13 or 14) hour night shifts are far too many to fully divulge here, but I would at least like to make one major complaint: insomnia. I have slept for seven hours in the past three days, only 2 of them being consecutive hours, and all were obtained between 10am and 7pm. In case you haven't already come to this conclusion, I am turning into a vampire, or at least have severely impaired functioning. My poor sleep habbits are partly due to going through such huge life changes, and partly because I am hormonal, and stressed, etc. But I would like to place most of the blame on night-shift. I cannot stay a prisoner to a dysfunctional schedule for much longer. My mother believes that there is a strong correlation between me working nights and the Iraq war. When I mentioned this to my manager, she laughed for a moment, then paused with a sobering frown and stated "If I thought that there was even a minuscule chance that Bush and Cheney would shrivel up in a tiny ball and evaporate, I would place you on day shift before you could blink your eye." In other words, I will not be making the switch to day shift at my current place of work. Therefore, I may have to look elsewhere.
For those of you who have not heard, my fiance Tim and I are parting ways. It sucks. It sucks real bad sometimes. But, this is life. He is going to be attending Emory for his MPH, which is his dream come true. He will have a whole new world to explore, and I'm sure his discoveries and adventures will leave him nothing short of elated. At least that is how I am envisioning the whole situation. He may even be able to land his fantasy job of being a professional peach taste tester- Georgia is, after all, the peach state.
So that leaves me with what I'm going to do now. The answer is: I really have no idea. I may be moving to Colorado, or I might become a traveling nurse and go to someplace warm with a beach (since Abe's first beach trip was revolutionary). Maybe Portugal or St. Johns or something. I don't know. But I have decided to embrace the mystery.
I have really pulled myself out of my funk. It may very well be lurking around the corner waiting to pounce when I least expect it, but bring it on. I even retired my sweats for a night out on the town (thank you Crystal). We had one hell of a night at work on Tuesday, easily one of the worst nights ever, so plans for mimosa breakfast turned into vodka breakfast. We slept for a couple hours and then got dolled-up to go to some fancy pharmaceutical dinner at Portland City Grill. Turns out we could not manage to get ready in time, so went to Masu Sushi for dinner instead. It was so delish! We sat at the bar and were chatted up by the adorable sushi chefs fitted in their hachimakis. Then ended up spending the remainder of the evening bar-hopping SE Portland in their company. It was very therapeutic for me to get out of the house and make some new friends. This girl is going to have to trade out her slippers for her leopard pumps a little more often! Have a happy weekend!
Well, the 2008 SI swim edition is in my possession, so it is officially spring time, though the weather has not been particularly cooperative in welcoming all that spring has to offer. It has been a while, a long while since my last blog. I have a lot of catching up to do I suppose. Here is my speed rendition at an update on life:
Tim came back from a month in SE Asia, with thousands of beautiful photos. I was so happy to have him home again. It sure was getting lonely around here. I have since been fortunate to sample all of the cooking skills and recipes he learned while in Thailand. He is a master at curry, the green is my favorite.
My mom came to visit last month for a few days, it was so great to see her! We went several mini adventures in PDX including the Tao of Tea, Pambiche, the Japanese Gardens, Laurelhurst, the general Belmont area, and of course Portland Nursery. But mostly we just sat around huddled under blankets sipping tea or Vietnamese coffee, and enjoyed the company due to the nasty cold weather.
Tim and I did plant therapy with all the new and exciting options at Portland Nursery (our favorite place to spend our free afternoons). We have a dwarf nectarine, poppies, window boxes as well as an attempted kitchen herb garden that hangs over the sink.
Work has been one crazy night after the other, but we have been staying very busy until last week- which I am very greatful for. I have come a long way in my profession in the past 6 months. I even took my first balloon pump! This probably means nothing to you, but just take my word that it is exciting. They have also asked me to do relief charge, which is so so scary! Flattering and all, but no thanks.
A couple years ago, Tim got this old TV console and record player. The TV didn't work, so he gutted it, refinished it, and put in a fish tank in place of the TV at my request. Ever since, it has been our aquatic canvas. We have gone through many remodels with plants when it begins to look uninspired, and unfortunately many fish have come and gone (gone down the toilet burial that is). One fish, if you can even call him a fish, that has held through from day one is Nessie. He was our prehistoric looking eel with snake like scales fitted with dinosaur spikes. We named him The Loch Ness Monster, or Nessie for short. He was a survivor. Even when we moved the tank from the condo to the new house, and had to put each fish in a make-shift travel tank (aka various vases half filled with water), he made the bumpy journey with no problem. He was the only living fish on arrival. A few weeks ago on a dreary night, Tim and I were talking about needing to liven up the tank, and what the options were. We went to bed undecided. The next morning I walked out of our bedroom and immediately noticed something on the floor. It was big, it was black, it appeared to be slimy... basically not something you would voluntarily pick up. I very hesitantly walked over to get a closer look. It was Nessie. Apparently he decided it was time to evolve. No such luck, he was dead. I have no idea how he got out. There is only one small hole that he could have squirmed through, and even then he would have had to crawl or slither over the steep slope of the tank light and carefully maneuver his way out through the front side of the record player avoiding the many cracks, nooks, and crannies on his way out. Anyhow, he did it. Not only did he get out, but he managed to end up several feet from the tank. In case this did not make me uneasy, there was more to come. I put on my blue rubber gloves to transport him to the flushing burial grounds, bent down and picked him up in my fingers. Then came the blood curdling scream... Nessie was not completely dead, he was writhing, thrashing, turning his head and lunging toward me. It was awful. I am severely traumatized. He always scared me a little, but I never envisioned my own private version of Jurassic Park to materialize in my living room. Needless to say we got some new fish, and none of them resemble anything close to a prehistoric beast. My favorite, our beautiful discus, is pictured above.
Ever since experiencing the tragedy of the Loch Ness monster, things have just been going down hill. I am not sure when, exactly, everything went wrong. What I can say, is that this house is full of sadness, tears, and change. I know that change usually makes us stronger, that it comes about for a reason. I sure don't feel strong, don't currently feel that change is a welcomed friend. Betrayal is a funny thing, not funny haha. It seems that you cannot truly betray someone else unless said someone has put quite an investment in you- whether it be time, emotions, love, money, trust- or a combination of such. When you betray yourself, it gets much more complicated. How is it possible to love someone so incredibly much, and things begin to crumble anyway? How can you put so much effort into making everything work out, but know in your heart of hearts it will not be a beautiful ending? How is it that you can live with someone for so long and invest so much, but not be the one who intervenes in their saddest struggle?
I am a 25 year old critical care nurse. I am a lucky girl with a great family (even though I live so far from them). I've recently become vegan, and for some reason feel the need to share any good recipes I find along with mediocre at best photos of the given recipe. Cheers!
